To Save Your Craft, You Must Vacation Separately

Sometimes, in order for my writing craft to excel, I have to take a break from it.  Which is why, at least once a year, I break out the assless chaps and hit a writing conference.

Writing conferences are great.  While the free-love atmosphere and mind-boggling variety of mind-blowing drugs are not to be dismissed, I have to admit my favorite aspect of writing conferences are the booth babes.

All those publishers, showcasing and desperately attempting to draw attention to their latest releases with smokin’ hot ladies.  Very easy on the eyes. Of course, lately there’s been a trend towards using booth dudes too (apparently some writers (and readers) are attracted to men – who knew?), but frankly booth dudes do nothing for me and I think the money would be better spent hiring more (or even better looking) booth babes. 

Groupies are another fringe benefit of writing conferences.  And not just if you’re a famous author.  You’d be surprised at the number of die-hard fans attending these conferences who don’t know what their favorite author looks like (or how to pronounce their names).  I’ve scored with more attendees that way (and a booth babe or two – they’re not all smart).  The best part of impersonating an author to score?  When the paternity suits are filed, it’s Neil Gaiman or Tom Wolfe who get served papers, not me.

So that’s what I love about writing conferences.  The eye candy.  And the nose candy.  I won’t lie.  There’s nothing like snorting a line of Sanka right before the after-hours party.


  1. Wait, how come I never get any groupies?

    You are underestimating the awesome of the booth dudes, though. Which is fine–more for me.

  2. Have you attended any writing conferences? In assless chaps?? I’m telling you, they’re a real icebreaker. Or maybe they just leave me feeling chilly…

  3. I thought the bull-whip was a better leather-choice for me, but perhaps I was wrong.

  4. Assless chaps and bullwhips do NOT mix! Least not in my spheres of influence.

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