“Assume” Makes An…


Are you familiar with that saying? I heard it a lot growing up.

“When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”

My Spanish book has made some assumptions about me. I find it very hard to answer questions about when my favorite TV program is on, since I don’t know past tense yet. The last TV show I watched was an episode of Deep Space 9. Yes, it was two days ago, but still. Before that it would be Stargate Atlantis, about…six months ago?

And do not, silly Spanish book, ask me why I like or dislike Twilight. I barely have enough vocabulary in my native language to explain all the things I dislike about Twilight. I can’t possibly answer in Spanish.

Going back to school has been hard in unexpected ways. The book is written with the 20-something student in mind. While at some point I’m sure I’ll need to know how to say I want to go wind-surfing but I need a board, that day is not this day. It’s annoying, because not only is the vocabulary not the stuff I need, it’s stuff I’d really like to need. Sometimes I actually, verbally, out loud, tell my Spanish book to STFU.

Then I generally wallow a bit, but sooner or later I turn my annoyance into righteous anger and that becomes determination. By Lork, one day I will be on a beach in Mexico and when that day comes I will know how to ask some hottie to teach me to wind-surf, and yes, you can totally touch me to show me what to do.


I rather hate the “I’m not like other people” argument because it seems to assume that other people are all the same (hint: they’re not) but I do feel like an outsider fairly often. My Spanish book is just one example. Another is my lack of interest in pretty much any video game ever.

In the last week I’ve had people ask me why it seems like I’m always busy. My kid or my roommate can be dragged away for impromptu dinners out or watching someone play Sims (honestly…?) or other random and enjoyable (?) activities, but I always have “homework” or “editing” or “writing” as a response and so I don’t go along.

Aside from the fact that I can imagine little that would be less interesting than watching someone play the Sims (listening to someone tell me about playing the Sims ranks up there, or even worse, listening to someone tell me about WATCHING someone play the Sims), I do like it that way. I have things to do, and only, oh–let’s guess thirty to fifty years in which to accomplish them. There’s precious little time for wasting on watching some game do what I can do so much (IMHO) better–create people and lives that intertwine and tell an absorbing and inspiring story.

This isn’t an indictment of the Sims. Many people I love and admire think the various incarnations of that game are awesome. It’s just… please don’t come and tell me about it. I’m not much into games. I’ve got real stuff to do, like making up stories. Or smacking my Spanish book.

Or helping pull together Turtleduck Press’ new anthology, Seasons Eternal! Here’s Siri talking about it, because she’s so much better at announcement stuff than I am.


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