I love Christmas, and I love Christmas songs…in general. Unfortunately, by the time Christmas Day rolls around, I’m pretty sick of them.
One in particular drives me insane: Feliz Navidad. Honestly, I have nothing against Spanish/Mexican people, the Spanish language, or even their type of music. I think it has something to do with the singer – his voice just grates on me like nails on a blackboard. And on the station my boss has playing every day, Feliz Navidad is played at least three times. At least — maybe more.
The idea of the song is cool – he’s wishing us a Merry Christmas from the bottom of his heart. Say it with me: awwwww. But, even that idea gets really, really old after weeks of hearing it.
And there’s another thing. Why don’t we ever hear a Joyeux Noel song? For those not familiar, Joyeux Noel is French for Merry Christmas. I have yet to hear a song using that. What is this, discrimination against the French language? French is a beautiful, rich language. And yet, it is left out of the Christmas songs. That upsets me.
(I’m a French geek, so you’ll have to excusez-moi. I know not what I do).
But, come to think of it, where is the Gajan Kristnaskon (Esperanto) or the Froehliche Weihnachten (German)? Or what about Nollaig Shona Dhuit (Irish) or Buone Feste Natalizie (Italian)? Where are they, huh?
Discrimination, I tell you. Discrimination.
Of course, there’s the ever popular Mele Kalikimaka, which I’m sure everyone knows. So that’s the Hawaiian version. There’s also my personal favorite: έχουν μια ευτυχισμένη κλύσμα – which is Greek, and translates to: “Have a happy enema.” The funny part of this is if you hear it spoken. It sounds almost exactly like “Merry Christmas” in English, but it’s not. You’re welcome.
So next time you hear Feliz Navidad, remember this. There are other ways to express your feelings. And if you’re really ambitious, you could try the Greek. After all, Merry Christmas is totally boring, isn’t it? It’s so boring that someone had to create a song (or two) in another language. You know, just in case you missed it the first five hundred times.
Next year, my debut Christmas song will hit the airwaves. It’s called Feliz Your Navidad and Have a Happy Enema. Coming to you in December 2013. You will absolutely love it.
Have a wonderful, feliz-filled Christmas, enjoy your enemas, and don’t have a silent night. Be sure to Mele your Kalikimaka. Joyeux your Noel, my friends, while you’re at it.
And happy new enema year.