Imposter Syndrome and the Tales It Tells

Have you heard of imposter syndrome? The fear that you’ve somehow achieved everything in your life by accident, and sooner or later everyone will realize you’re an imposter who knows nothing?

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

Somewhere along the line, I acquired a bad case of it, and I’ve never quite been able to shake it, despite all evidence to the contrary.

It’s all about the stories (and lies) we tell ourselves, how we frame events, the themes and patterns we draw out (because we’re always looking for patterns and narratives, that’s what we do, we humans).

So: when I graduated university, I got a series of temp jobs, which led to an editing job, which led to another, which led to the one I’ve been in for nearly ten years (!!!). That’s either me falling into a position I don’t deserve and don’t really know how to do, or me lucking into a smooth career track, acing an editing test to land my current job, and learning on the job until I am, in fact, perfectly competent at what I do (even if I am still learning).

Between editing jobs, I went to Ireland with a work visa in hand, planning to work abroad for a year…and then couldn’t find a job and had to come home after 10 weeks when I ran out of money. That’s either me failing at the “live and work abroad” dream, or me getting to spend 8 weeks living just off a gorgeous medieval street in Ireland and 2 weeks travelling around the rest of the equally gorgeous country (and not having to work a crappy food-service job like most of the other young work-abroad types I met).

Somehow, despite my imposter-syndrome complex, I’ve attained what is, from any objective measure, a stunningly successful life. I own a house. (I couldn’t have done it without my husband…but then, he couldn’t have done it without me.) I mostly manage to take care of it. I’ve travelled, both solo and not, in eleven different countries. I have hobbies that I’m good at, or at least good enough to enjoy, and isn’t that the point?

I have friends who don’t think I’m an imposter.

Sometimes I catch things coming out of my mouth and I think…wow, you have no self-confidence at all, do you?

(The Internet can be terrible for this. You take everyone celebrating their accomplishments…and run them all together in your head…and eventually it feels like the whole world is publishing a novel every month while remodelling their houses and throwing Pinterest-worthy parties and fixing their own plumbing and growing their own organic produce. Except you, of course.)

(Okay, I do grow organic produce. But I don’t do the rest of it. *cough* See what I mean?)

I know I’m far from alone. Lots of people I know take risks, or leaps of faith, and accomplish amazing things or get amazing opportunities because of it. (My husband, for one. Entrepreneurs I admire. Creative types.) But just as many people struggle with fear and self-doubt and compulsive comparisons. (Some of my dearest friends.) Heck, some people fall into both camps. I’d take that.

If I were confident, I’d be happier.

If I were confident, I’d love myself more. (Or is it the other way around?)

If I were confident, I’d have published novels by now, instead of writing miserable blog posts like this one.

Well, I’m tired of it.

I’m going to start pretending I’m confident…and see what happens.

 

On that note, I have news! Tomorrow (Wednesday) at 7 PM EST, we’re taking part in our very first live interview. All four TDP authors will be featured on a livestreaming video chat from Full Coverage Writers. You can watch us live on YouTube, or check out our recorded chat via either of those links later on.

Scary? You bet.

Confident? Watch me.

 

Your turn! Do you ever feel like an imposter? What do you do to get over it?