On Losing One’s Way: An Update

Six months ago, I blogged in this space about how I had lost my way as a writer.

For the rest of the winter, I deliberately set writing aside. No pressure, no thinking about writing, just hibernating and reading and seeking out other fun things to do…and enjoying not feeling guilty about not writing instead. The absence of “shoulds” felt amazing.

When winter finally started to ease up – and it took a while – I tiptoed back towards writing. So I started some fanfiction. I outlined the beginning of a completely silly novel in a completely different genre than everything I ever write. I brainstormed worldbuilding and backstory for a second, collaborative novel.

But none of it is working.

I’m not sure if I just can’t get out of my own way enough, or if something else is going on. I’ve been trying to nail down a main character for that second novel, and it’s just. not. happening. By that I mean not only am I studiously avoiding spending any time on it, but when I do sit down with a coffee and without Internet and therefore with no escape, it’s like my character-creation brain and plot-creation brain are just…missing.

I’ve now spent as many months trying to ease back into writing as I spent not writing in the first place. And it’s just not happening.

In a way, this makes me panic more than when I first made the decision to take a break from writing. Once a break was decided upon, I could stop worrying and beating myself up about not writing – something that was very freeing. But I was able to do that because it was temporary. Or at least it was supposed to be.

I’m still keeping a lookout for inspiration, things that make my heart sing, hoping that will help. Gardening, contra dance, new experiences, any blockbuster in my genre and some that are out of it, comfort reads. A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and started an Instagram account as a way of encouraging myself to take photos – not-so-coincidentally, another creative outlet, and one where the output can be shared.

But where has the storytelling gone? Will it come back? I still don’t know.

I wish I could tell you the ending. If only I knew it myself.

4 Comments:

  1. It will come back. I promise.

    *hug*

  2. Thank you! I really hope so.

  3. I just thought of something! It might be that your creative energy is spread too thin right now–that you’re giving most of it to another activity. I find I can’t write and do another creative thing at the same time (like, say, embroidery or drawing) if I’m really invested in the other thing,so you might look at your activities and see if you’re using up the energy you would use for writing elsewhere.

  4. I agree with KD. It will definitely come back. Maybe Kit is on to something.

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