Dieting: Third Time’s the Charm?

Oh man, sweets. I am a certifiable chocolate-holic and baked goods addict: donuts, cake, pie, brownies — if it’s baked and it tastes good, I’m there. And naturally, working in foodservice has a bit of a crappy side effect. You see, we sample stuff. Mostly pizza-related stuff like dough and pepperoni, but sometimes sweets, too. We once had a cannoli line. And once we taste tasted pies. And cakes. And…well, being that I sit all day at the office and I lead a pretty sedentary life, I’ve put on some weight.

Okay. Quite a lot of weight. (In fact, the joke when I started working for this company was, “Heh, you’ll gain 25 pounds your first year here.” I thought it was a joke. Nope. It was the truth. I’ve been there for almost 15 years now….)

I’m not used to watching my weight. I never had a problem before, but then again, I was working two jobs and going to school full time. I don’t think I slept for more than 6 hours back then. And I was constantly moving. Always. So when my weight began to gradually climb, I was in denial. Until my pants stopped fitting and I needed new bras. Until my GI doc said, “If you gain too much weight, your IBS will get worse.” Still, lalalalala, I was in LaLa Land. Didn’t wanna hear it. And please pass me the donuts.

So I’ve tried to diet. I first counted Points, which led me to lose almost 20 pounds (!!!). It was glorious, but the holiday season killed that dead (oh why oh why did I go off program?) And slowly the weight crept back up. Then I had an ankle problem that went on for a year, and I couldn’t walk a whole lot or well so my attempts at exercise went out the door. And the weight crept up again. And then I started counting calories, using the MyFitnessPal app, and lost 9 pounds. And then got frustrated from being hungry all the time. (And not knowing how to count homemade meals. That wasn’t fun, either). So that died a horrible death. In the past year, I’ve tried to ease into it: add a veggie to a few meals, make better choices when eating out, things like that. But lately it’s been a matter of hunger. And I know the reason — my body is trying to keep itself where it’s at, which is not what I want, but damn. Sometimes I get so shaky and nauseous that I grab whatever’s there, healthy or not. Would you believe that ALL of my snacks are low-calorie snacks? And I only allow myself one portion? (I don’t eat 3 chocolate thingies just because it’s low calories, I eat one). But meal portions are my nemesis. I’m a big eater, and i tend to eat more than a reasonable portion. Or I’ll skip the veggies and have more of the main entree. Not good.

Sooooo yet again, I’m giving it another go. I’m also trying to walk more. I’m using MyFitnessPal again, and I’m eating veggies with every meal (or fruit). I’m eating reasonable portions now. I’ve vowed to keep trying despite the hunger and despite the frustration. I’ve had setbacks, but I promised myself I would keep keeping on. (I even had a salad for lunch yesterday! Something I’ve never done!).

I hope to try to lose weight, but I also want to be more healthy. I’m getting older, and it gets harder to lose weight once your metabolism slows down. I read somewhere that sitting for long stretches can increase your chances for an early death considerably (I’ve stood up and stretched on a timer ever since. Apparently, just doing that helps greatly). So that’s been happening. But I’d like to eventually get to the point where if I’m offered donuts, I politely decline. If there’s chocolate, I don’t automatically reach for it. If there’s pie, I ask for a small piece. Or just skip it. I hope one day to love fruit (my mom is probably snickering — I’m not a fruit person. The stuff I love I’m allergic to, and the stuff I don’t love I can eat. Oh, the irony!) and pile my plate with veggies because that’s the healthy thing to do (and it’s good for me!) not because I’m desperate to not go hungry. I hope to be able to fit into nicer clothes, and not feel like a blob in a bathing suit (haven’t worn one in ~15 years). I hope to be able to look at myself naked and not cringe.

So here’s hoping. I know I can do this. I just need to want it badly enough.