It’s funny, but when you’re a kid Christmas is like the best day of the year (well, besides your birthday). And it’s magic, and Santa comes, and it’s all wonderful. But as you get older, things change. But the changes aren’t always bad:
1) Cooking. If you’re spoiled like me, you’ve never had to make a full Christmas dinner. But over time, I’ve had to take on some of the cooking for my mom who’s getting older. One year very recently she was too ill to make a Thanksgiving dinner, leaving me to make a very bare-bones dinner for my hubby and I. Everyone who knows me knows I hate cooking with a passion. But cooking with my mom is entirely different. One, I learn things. Two, we spend time together. And that’s really important as I grow older — taking time to be with the people I love. You never know how much time you or any one else you love will get, so every minute is precious. And, it’s all about helping take the load off of her — she’s not twenty anymore, and honestly needs my help. So, being the good daughter I am, I freely give my help. (Someday, it’ll just be me, and I hope those days are in the far, far future).
2) Stress. This may seem like a negative, but it really isn’t. I tend to stress out because I simply care. I care to take the time to pick out good gifts for people, and I care to make sure things run smoothly. They don’t always do. One year, my hubby was called in to work on Christmas Eve. That…was a bit rough. But it served to remind me that his presence was so important to me. So important that it wouldn’t have been the same without him. (Luckily, he made it in time for dinner and gifts.) At my job, our last bonus period of the year ends on Dec. 31st, and certain things need to happen by that time. We spend literally the last 2 weeks of the year frantically preparing and watching and trying to make sure it all happens, and Christmas week falls right in there. Yes, I do care, because it is my job to care, and things are much more pleasant when everyone is happy. 🙂
3) The tree. Our Christmas tree will always be magical to me, hands down. It has several generations worth of ornaments on it, and each ornament could tell you a story. My mom always outdoes herself every year, and it’s a beautiful tree. In the last 10 years or so, I haven’t had the stamina to drag the branches up the stairs and have been quite tired afterward. But trimming the tree and spending time with my family is much more important, and every time I look at it, I remember. I remember my grandmother’s old tree with the Santa that rotated around the top; I remember our old angel that was from the ’50s (at least) that was so cool that my dad put up every year without fail, because it was unique and cool and had history; I remember garland and tinsel and Christmas carols; I remember my sister’s and my little 4-foot trees that held our own ornaments (and to this day I still have mine), I remember so much. And I’m sure someday when I’m my mother’s age, I will have accumulated
even more memories.
4) The cat. Every year, we put the cat downstairs in the basement at night so she doesn’t wreck the tree. We hate doing it (and honest to God, I apologize to her every freaking night!) but she will, if we let her, wreck the tree. But imagine this: what if Hailey didn’t exist? Okay, no cat to mess things up. But no cat…wait a sec. I love Hales and she’s my feline child and I can’t even imagine not having her around. Even if she does screw up the tree! I adopted Hailey after my hubby and I got together — she was originally just his cat. But now she’s just as much mine as she is his, and she’s just as much my mom’s. It’s a joint effort, taking care of her. So, okay, we gotta put her downstairs but I’d rather do that than not have her at all (although occasionally she runs away and I have to chase her, and then I stress out).
5) Binge eating. I am horrible with Christmas food and treats. I have absolutely no willpower, and about 10 years ago I managed to lose almost 20 pounds (!!!) and then the holidays hit and my diet was toast. And it’s been an upward battle since then. God. But…I am happy to *have*treats to eat and good food. I am going to try to do better (I say this every year!) but hey, sometimes you just gotta live a little.
6) Health. When I was a kid, nothing mattered. Literally. I didn’t have to worry about what I ate, or my eye hurting, or being too tired. I was just a kid, and I felt good, and all was well. Nowadays…I have to worry about all of those things, and medication, and stressing myself out, and being exhausted. Adulting sucks, y’all. It really does. But…what about those people who are sick during the holidays? People with cancer who are undergoing chemo, or someone whose hubby had a heart attack, or someone who’s having life-saving brain surgery? Those people would probably give anything to worry about less, or nothing at all. Or hell, just to be home for Christmas. When I look at it like that, I am very lucky to have what I have. Sure, it sucks, but I’m here and my life’s not in danger. I have a co-worker who recently passed who I miss terribly. Especially now, because his routine was to order desserts from one of our food vendors and then spend the week before Christmas passing them
out. And of course we’d get some. But it’s not about that. It’s just…you knew the holidays were here. Even after he had a triple bypass, he was out there doing his thing. Every. Single. Year. I can’t even imagine how his family is feeling, being their first Christmas without him and so soon after his passing. I hope they find peace.
So, yeah, life’s changed quite a bit since I was a kid, and has thrown me some curveballs. But I am very lucky for the family I have, the traditions we honor, and the love between us. I’m grateful for my health and for my place of employment and the memories we’ve made together. I am lucky to be here to celebrate another Christmas, and that’s really all that counts, right? That we be present and alive and able to do this every year. I am especially grateful for my family, both by blood and by choice, who put up with me and keep me going. So here’s to another Christmas, another miracle. *lifts glass up* Merry Christmas to you all, and make lots of wonderful memories, laugh, and have fun. Because that’s what life is all about.