Okay, get ready. I will be talking about Adam Lambert again.
Well, sorta. Today has been a rough day for me emotionally. Won’t get into it…most of it is just life crap, and the fact that I have a migraine, and I’ve been exhausted. Anyway…I’ve been listening to Adam’s “The Original High” and my favorite song, “The Light” came on. I think I’ve mentioned that it’s my favorite before, but if I haven’t, there you go (I actually love almost every single song on that album, so picking a favorite is really, really hard). So anyway, the line “I’m too weird to live, too rare to die” struck me for a second (and I do know it’s from Panic! At the Disco). Actually, literally took my breath away. I’ve heard it before and have actually thought about it (hell, maybe having it tattooed on myself somewhere!) but in the context of today…I dunno, it grabbed me.
Let me explain.
I’ve never, ever been the sort of person to blindly follow people, or things,, or trends. People are pinch-rolling their jeans because that’s the latest cool thing to do (’80s kids, remember that)? No, no. I rebelled that one so badly, my mom thought I was nuts. Long hair is no longer in? Pffft. I grew it past my waist for most of my life. Get married, pop out kids? Nope. Not me. I am not a kid person, and my health sucks. So no kids for me (and I am not broken up over that one, either!). I spit in the face of conformity. I do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. And that has caused me a lot of tension, and confusion, and arguments, and judgments, but who cares? I got my first tattoo at 33, and I plan on getting more (someday, once I have the funds and my skin gets better). I played the drums with my ex and dad for about 5 years when I was in my 20s. I used to take self-portraits when everyone else in my photography class was doing landscapes and other things. I broke new ground there. I got noticed, that was for sure. (I’m not sure if that was positive or negative. Never asked.) When I got bit by the novel writing bug, I threw myself into it with everything I had, because my dream was to be a published author. And I’ve done that…5 times. (Actually, more if you count the anthologies). I don’t just dream, I make things happen. I’ve always been like that. I don’t believe in waiting for things to happen. I go after them. Same with teaching photography. I was talking to a friend who worked for our community college and she mentioned that they needed photography instructors. So I applied, and got the job without a Master’s degree. How’d I do that? Simple. I put all of my relevant life experience on my resume, which was equivalent to a Master’s degree. Ta da! I taught there for about 3 years, and loved every minute. I loved helping shape the photographers of the future, passing on my knowledge.
So I’ve been a very….unconventional kind of person for most of my life. Now, does that make me bad? Or wrong? Or God forbid, less important than say…someone who always follows the rules? I’ve never broken the law or anything, and I consider myself a kind person (except when pushed. You do not want to push me). In fact, I’m too nice, I think. But sometimes I feel like people judge me unfairly for the person they think I am, versus who I really am, if that makes sense. It’s easy to pass judgment on someone before getting to know him or her. And people perceive others through the lens of their own experiences. But I’ve always tried to go beyond that, and give someone a fair chance before deciding what I think he or she is like.
And today that lyric hit me, reminding me that yes, I am different. But damn it, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being different. Nothing. I’ve always been proud of it. And if someone doesn’t like me because of that….judges me unfairly…well, I guess it’s his or her loss. We can’t be loved by everyone, unfortunately.
But I am me, and I am most definitely okay. I am loved. I am wanted. And I will continue to be the way I am until I take my last breath. I am me. I will still be okay…many years from now. Different is not bad. It is good, and it is fun, and interesting. It brings color and light to the dark and shines light in the shadows.
And no one belongs in those shadows. We all have hearts, and souls, and we deserve to be treated like the amazing beings we are.
So, there I said it, to quote Adam. And I own it.