Remakes and Reboots and Flops, Oh My!

Like many, I have bemoaned the fact that Hollywood seems stuck in the past, refusing to look to the future. We need new ideas! We need new stories! I mean, who needs a Mad Max reboot?

…actually, no. Forget that. I do. I need Furiosa in my soul. She gives me such fierce joy. But seriously. Ghostbusters? That movie was practically perfect! Why would you–

Scratch that. Holtzmann is my happy place. Don’t touch.


This is why Hollywood keeps doing it. Because we (or me, at least) keep buying! I loved Pacific Rim so much. But with that ending–I mean, come on. How are you going to make a sequel?

Spoiler alert–they made a sequel. And it looks bada##. You can bet my butt will be in a theater seat the first week it comes out, grinning at John Boyega as Stacker Pentecost’s son and squealing delight when my adored Mako Mori comes onscreen.

I thought Star Wars should have stopped at Return of the Jedi. As each prequel came out, I wished harder that they had just stopped at the original trilogy. But I had to see The Force Awakens, and now I love Rey, Finn, Poe–and you better believe there was some serious screaming at a certain point in the trailer for The Last Jedi, zomg…

Thor Ragnarok…well, everyone probably knew I was going to see that. It has Loki in it! I probably would have skipped The Dark World but for Loki, but I’m hearing such great things about Ragnarok that I’m just dying to see it. (And Loki strutting only adds to my eagerness…)

What else? I’m not eager on Justice League, sadly. As much as I adored Wonder Woman (if you haven’t seen it, you need to. You really do) they apparently turned right around and sexualized the Amazons and made a crappy movie in which Wonder Woman is the only bright spot. With that one, I’ll just wait to catch her scenes on YouTube like I did with Batman vs Superman.

Though I totally would have broken my streak for a good show, I’m rather relieved that I still get to defiantly claim to have never willingly watched a Batman movie.

Jumanji. As big Robin Williams fans, when my daughter and I heard they were remaking Jumanji we looked at each other and said, “WHY?” But we’re also both Dwayne Johnson fans, and the trailer looks both different from his movie and like an awful lot of fun, and we are so IN. Can’t wait. Gimme.

Jurassic Park/World–well, there’s this.

Chris Pratt with a baby dinosour!

And that’s kind of all they needed. They got me.

A Wrinkle in Time. Oh em gee. Okay, it’s a book made into a movie that, if it was ever made into a movie before I never heard of the movie, but holy schneikes this movies looks good you guys. My favorite Madeleine L’engle book was A Swiftly Tilting Planet, but I am so SO good with starting at the beginning when it looks like this…

Black Panther. I am so excited for this movie, you don’t know. It looks amazing. It looks like something we haven’t seen before. The level of bada##ery in the trailer is so right up my alley…

Deadpool 2 was a given. Can’t even complain about that. And if they’re looking to fill out the Star Wars universe with some single stories–yeah, Solo was also a given. I just pray they do it well. Like Rogue One. Oh please, please, give me another movie to love like I love Rogue One

Okay, so this started out with me complaining as a joke, but looking through IMDB’s list of upcoming movies…they remade Overboard? Really? Death Wish, A Star is Born…wait, the Jungle Book and Robin Hood again? And the tv shows–Lethal Weapon, and now the Lord of the Rings?

I guess the important thing here is–if you’re going to reboot/remake/sequel into eternity, you’d better make it good. At least if you want my approval. But considering they keep making Fifty Shades movies (yes, there’s another one coming) they probably don’t.

That’s fine. I don’t care. I’ve got Furiosa and Holtzmann, Jyn Erso and Rey, Mako and Leia, and in about twenty-seven days I’ll have Diana Prince. (I have dropped some very non-subtle hints, as I am not allowed to buy myself stuff in the 90~ days before Christmas anymore. >_> )

Hey, there you go. Remake Overboard with a kicka## girl, and you’ll win my love. Are you listening, Hollywood? (which is not to even hint that I found Goldie Hawn’s Joanna Stayton wanting, she’s 3/4 easy of my love for that movie.)

Alas, Hollywood is probably not listening.

How about you? What do you want to see remade? What can you not believe they dared put their grubby mitts on? What would they need to do to make that remake a winner in your eyes?

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