Technically, February 3rd is the actual five-year anniversary, but close enough.
When I first began talking about my mysterious eye pain, I couldn’t handle the idea of having it for a month, let alone years. But apparently, fate had a different idea.
It’s been five very long years.
So…after a year pain free, I was plunged right back into my nightmare again. My neurologist and I are still trying to get a handle on the pain. It’s not constant anymore, which is a good thing, but I still have horrible pain attacks. I’ve had to spend less time on the computer, doing things I love, because the screen does make it worse sometimes. But one good thing has come of this. I have been able to tackle my extensive paperback/hardcover To Be Read pile.
Unfortunately, other things, like Guild Wars, have gone by the wayside. I am still hoping to get back into it at some point.
Writing-wise, I’m doing well. I can’t not write, pain or no pain. Been trying to get up the energy to dictate/transcribe so I don’t have to look at a screen all the time.
There may be a visit to a neurosurgeon in my future. I am scared, and worried, and not wanting to have surgery. There’s Gamma Knife, which isn’t invasive and uses radiation, but I’ve read that some people have worse pain afterward. Some are helped, but not forever. The pain always returns as the nerve regenerates. So…I just don’t know.
I’ve also been experimenting with Essential Oils. There’s one that’s really good for nerve pain. I’ve used it a few times with varying results. More time is needed for me to make a ruling on if it is helpful or not.
Most of all though, I keep hoping for a miracle. It’s tough to go through my life with chronic pain and not know if it’ll ever get better. It’s tough to say on a regular basis, “Damn, I’m in terrible pain.” It hurts to think that maybe there won’t be a miracle.
But I will always hope, because that’s the only thing I can do now.