Forty-eight

Age is just a number. You’re as old as you feel. I’m going to be forty-eight years old on March 27th. Two years shy of fifty; two years before I am a half a century old. In all honesty, I’m not really sure how I feel about that. I don’t really feel almost a half century, although I do have my share of health challenges. But I do notice a difference from when I was twenty and now. I was recently waiting to speak to one of my doctors, one who is still doing telehealth, in fact — and it’s a video call. So while in the “waiting room,” I could see a small video window of myself. And wow. Boy, did I see a difference. I did see many years on my face. It helped that I had a picture of myself at nineteen (one of those Glamour ShotsTM, if you remember them from the 90s) right in front of me on my husband’s dresser. The differences were remarkable. I don’t have a lot of wrinkles, thanks to my family’s slow aging. But I could see a bit of a difference in my face and eyes. I looked, well, older. Of course, I’ve put on a bit of weight, too, as most of us do. (Also? Around that time I was actually underweight due to illness, if you can believe that one!) so my face and body are a bit more filled out. My hair is a bit thinner,…

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Email Inbox Woes

So, why is this post being written at 2:15am on Wednesday instead of on Tuesday like it’s supposed to be? Well, I could tell you about a few things: a work emergency, a dental emergency that’s caused me to have an even more erratic sleep schedule for the past few days, but…actually, I just spent the past hour going through my email inbox. Trying to get things cleared out and ready for my night. Because anxiety. Because it’s the first (or second) thing I do. Because I have toooooo many things coming through, and it’s just getting out of hand. A Facebook post in a group I’m in actually inspired this post. People were comparing notes on how many unread emails were in their email inboxes and giving and receiving advice on how to clear them out…if at all. I saw some pretty huge numbers there, which honestly gave me heart palpitations, so I felt just a tiny bit better. But only a bit. See, I just went through a massive unsubscribe purge recently, which helped the situation a lot. But…there’s still a lot of business emails, and emails coming from people that I follow and want to read, but when these emails pour in, I just want to hide. Seriously. An hour a day, folks. I’ve joked that I need an assistant just to manage my email. I also routinely get those all-important business emails in spam despite whitelisting numerous times, so there’s always a spam email sweep added…

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Journaling for Self-Love

So, one of my goals for 2024 was to cultivate more self-love/self-care for myself. And I had a brilliant idea one day in the shower (as one does). I decided to pull a Tarot card each day and think about what good quality I had that matched it — and journal a bit about it. For example, if I got The Chariot…the Chariot is about victory, attaining your goals, taking steps to move forward…I’d write about how I’m driven to succeed, I’m a go-getter, and how I’ve accomplished many of my goals because of this. And so on. And then I thought, hey, it’d be cool to decorate this journal a bit, kinda like a scrapbook, make it kinda fun and pretty. I’m not the best scrapbooker, to be honest. I used to scrap back in the day, with my sister and a mutual friend (we even did those 12-hour events which were a blast) and I did okay, but my pages were never gorgeous. But they were decent. My sister brought me supplies in boxes for this project and one of them was mine. I saw some of my old stuff, and I was a bit taken aback because…wow…twenty-some-odd years ago…I didn’t even remember creating those pages…and they were of things I’d done with my ex-husband…but they weren’t bad. Not at all. The journal is for me only, so I am not about making it perfect. Just fun and pretty. I want to add pictures and poetry and collage-type…

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2024 is Coming

To piggyback off Kit’s post (because I have no creativity whatsoever this week), I’ve been doing some noodling about 2024 and what I want to accomplish. This year has been a bit of a mixed bag writing-wise, some good, some not-so-good, and I’d like to ramp it up a bit, assuming there are no horrific crises or emergencies or general ongoing unpleasantness that makes things, well, unpleasant. So let’s talk about how things went this year first, shall we? I had a few goals. They were: To publish an erotic contemporary romance novella on Radish (similar to Kindle Vella), which was a pivot/experiment to see how readers would respond to my writing in a different genre. Result: The novella, BAV, as I am calling it, is about 1/3rd done. It’s on hold a bit while I figure some stuff out. It ended up being a bit deeper than I’d intended, delving into subjects like parental control, religious cults, and BDSM. Sooo I am deciding if I want to go all in, or if I want to rein it in some. To finish my anthology story. Result: I rewrote it twice, and started yet another rewrite which I believe will be the last. It just wasn’t working the first two times. It’s about 5,000 words now. Again, on hold, but I have full intentions of finishing. This antho has had a floating deadline, so I’ve been sort of waiting for the muse to get back on board with this one. To…

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The Nano That Wasn’t

So last month, I talked about participating in NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) with two books, alternating or working on whatever book I felt like working on. And at the time, it seemed like a perfectly reasonable, doable plan. Especially since I wasn’t planning on trying to make the usual 50,000-word goal. And then November actually hit. For the first half of the month, I had a lot going on with work, which is fine — I never complain about money coming in — and I figured, okay, this first half is a wash. Maybe I can just do Nano for the second half then. I’m chuckling to myself because it’s the 21st, 9 days from the end of the month, and I have yet to write a single word. I haven’t even written a poem. Nada. Nothing. So what the heck happened? Life happened. Life. Life stress. Health stress — nothing serious, but just enough to cause some…fun motivation issues. Chronic extreme fatigue being one. I’m still battling that. The holidays are approaching, which are their own unique brand of stress. Things are imploding. The thought is there, but every time I think about actually, you know, actually writing, my muse side-eyes me and says, Seriously? In the middle of this freaking mess? Have you lost it? And I sigh and set the thought aside yet again. It’s pretty awful, because my main way of dealing with stress is…you guessed it…writing. And I haven’t consistently written for years now.…

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To Nano or Not to Nano, That is the Question

It’s seven days till the big day — the first day of National Novel Writing Month, which is basically Christmas for a lot of us writers who love to participate every year (like me), and I am wibbling on what to do, like my fellow Turtleducker Kit Campbell talked about in her blog recently. Normally, because of work, I’d say no way, or sign up and attempt it and maybe write a few hundred or thousand words and call it “a valiant effort,” and feel like I tried, but damn, the experience was lost, again, because I couldn’t fully participate like I wanted to. It’s been this way for a long time. I can tell you already that I have an editing job hitting at the end of November. Not too bad, but…I have an ongoing job that got put off a bit due to some extenuating circumstances that needs to get done, preferably before this one hits. I have assorted author assistant things happening that are the usual things, but they take time too. It’s all part of my work, which I love, so this isn’t a complaint by any stretch. It’s just…I’m still trying to carve out the time to write more consistently. I can’t seem to manage it. I am hoping I hit upon the sweet spot, that method that’s been eluding me for literal years since I started my business…so I can maybe do something this Nano. It won’t be 50k like it used to be…

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Another Update on the Bad Poetry Project

I didn’t want to update on this so soon, but I just have to give you all my news…. I have FOUR poems accepted for publication. Three for Naked Cat Literary and one for Free Verse Revolution. I am very, very honored, proud, and excited. I knew that someday I’d get there, but the question was when…and lo and behold, both acceptances came in my email the same day. How’s that for wild? I’m still on Cloud Nine. Today I just submitted another poem to Naked Cat Literary (love that name!), the one that accepted the three poems. Interesting story about this acceptance. I sent my poems in. I didn’t hear anything, and they had mentioned in their Twitter (X?) feed that they were starting to send replies, but didn’t indicate that they’d sent all of them yet. So I sat tight, waiting, on pins and needles. During this time, I had a weird prescient feeling that they would be the first ones to accept my poetry. Why, I couldn’t tell you. It just was. So then a week or so later, they tweeted that they were working on their next publication. And I wondered, were they done sending replies? And I hadn’t gotten anything? Not even in my spam mail? Hmmm. Time to politely — very politely — nudge. So I did that, via Twitter, and overnight they’d tweeted me back that they’d look into it (they were very apologetic, which I appreciate) and when I got up the…

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So…how’s the Bad Poetry Project Going, Erin?

Well, I am glad you asked! Seems like a good time to give you all an update. But first, do you know that I started the Bad Poetry Project three years ago? Mama mia, where did the time go? I have been writing poetry like a mad thing. Yes. More than fiction, to be honest. (I’m up to 11,000 words of fiction this year, which isn’t too bad considering everything, but I was hoping for more. So I’ll be working on that, too.) Poetry is easier because it’s quick, it’s efficient, and there’s a set beginning and ending. Plus, I can sit here and pound out a poem while doing my work. So it lends itself to being squeezed into pockets of time better than fiction. Not that I like it better, per se. Just that it’s been easier as of late. So, yeah. More poems. I’ve also been using Instagram prompts, which have been so useful, because sometimes I’ll start with a nebulous idea of…something, but I’ll have no idea where or how to start. So I’ll just be like…spinning my wheels. Prompts give me a place to start it ….a leaping off point. I collect them every month from poets who regularly post them, then mine them for inspiration later. It’s very effective. I’m still writing in Esperanto, also, which has been a blast. But …drum roll please…I’ve started submitting my poems to literary magazines! Yes! I’ve taken the plunge! I haven’t done this in over twenty years,…

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Lessons from the Alleyman’s Tarot

So, my latest obsession is the Alleyman’s Tarot, which is a Tarot deck I backed on Kickstarter last year. It’s a bit different than the usual Tarot deck in that it’s not standard — it has the standard cards in it, but it has even more — non-standard cards and suits. It’s literally made up of cards from different Tarot decks. A patchwork or “magpie” deck, as it’s being called. It funded at over one million dollars and made history. And I am in love! It’s a bit tricky, I will admit, as I have to look up the non-standard cards in the guidebook when they come up. And sometimes I can’t tell what’s what even with the standard cards. They are all different. There’s no unifying theme or any rhyme or reason to it. It just…is. And that’s the beauty of it, I think. It forces you to expand your ideas of “normal” Tarot, of a “normal” reading, and what these cards are telling you. And there is a myth about the Alleyman, too, which I have not, regretfully, dug into yet. But apparently it’s really, really cool. He goes around collecting cards and gives them away to people. A singer was recently visited by a man who could have been the Alleyman…who gave her the exact Tarot card she needed to see on that night. The power of Tarot and universe, yo. So lately I’ve been tweeting #advicecards from the Alleyman’s deck and have been having fun. And…

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When the Muse Wakes Up

So it’s been a month and four days since Hailey’s passing, and we’re still grieving. We’re adjusting, little by little. I’ve been working a lot and trying to write, as I always do when I’m coping with something I’m hurting over. But this time…it’s like my muse suddenly woke up from a long slumber. Or, I just got tired of not writing. One of those two. Or both. And there is so much I am trying to do now, it’s not even funny: ~Poetry submissions to contests and literary magazines (online), often requiring revisions to existing poems or writing new ones, as they usually don’t accept poems published on social media (and most of my newer stuff is on Instagram). ~My short story for the TDP anthology, theoretically due next month, on its third rewrite. I scrapped what I was doing, rethought it, pulled Tarot cards on some things, and wrote 3,000 words on it already. Most I’ve written on one project all year. What?! It also spawned a SERIES IDEA which I am contemplating. ~Thinking about my poetry chapbook, Eterne (Esperanto for “Eternally”) — I wasn’t planning on publishing any more chapbooks, buuuuut I have so many new poems that it just makes sense. Already bought a premade cover. Just need to, write more, organize it, all that stuff. ~My Radish erotic contemporary romance — experiment to see how that goes (it’s a serial website similar to Kindle Vella) and how writing contemporary romance works for me. I’m about…

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