Following on KD’s post from last time, here’s an update on the state of me…
It’s Week Sixteen since everything shut down here. My part of the world is doing well (according to our top scientists) and a gradual reopening is underway, but our case numbers are far from zero, so I’m continuing to behave as if it isn’t. Going into places of business makes me really anxious, even though I wear a mask and am careful about hand hygiene. So no restaurant patios, minimal public transit use, and I haven’t been more than a ten-minute walk from home in I don’t know how long.
As an introvert and highly sensitive person, I’m perfectly happy not going downtown to work three or four days a week – I used to crave being at home more, and the traffic noises and public transit annoyances used to wear on my nerves. (I’m very lucky in being able to ride out COVID: homeowner, my own home office, able to work remotely, no kids, so-so AC, plenty of green space in the backyard.)
I’m also reasonably happy keeping in touch with friends online. (I have dear friends I’ve never met, including the other three members of Turtleduck Press.) But I haven’t been doing a good job of *actually* keeping in touch. All the suffering right now is very hard to bear, plus I miss contra dance (and contra hugs) a lot…so I’ve kind of withdrawn from peopling.
Still having trouble finding words, too. I used to share an almost-daily journal of sorts with friends online, for years, and that’s stopped. At least I’m back to journaling privately a few times a week, and finally starting to think again about writing fiction.
I am doing somewhat better than I was. I think my emotions are evening out, too. I couldn’t connect with books for months; I was reading, slowly, but the emotional engagement wasn’t there, even though I tried a wide range of books (alternating comfort reads and apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic or post-crisis SF). That’s working better now.
Gardening is helping to ground me (literally, ha) and reconnect me with the seasons. I’ve been indoors a LOT – finding it hard to make time or find motivation to get out for walks – and we went from very cold and rainy to mostly 85 degrees F / 30+ degrees C (where it has stayed ever since) over something like two weeks, which hasn’t helped with either the walks or the feeling of time passing properly. The heat isn’t helping with the gardening, either, but even the little bit we are doing is putting me back in touch. (The radishes are done, and I just picked some basil for the first time last week.)
So I’m slowly starting to come out of my shell, to tackle things that were too daunting before. Some days and weeks more than others, of course (this week is one of the not-so-good ones). And like KD said, I’m going easy on myself and celebrating the small wins as they come.
How are you doing?
I’m also feeling like it’s too soon to go out, and that I’m “built” for quarantine. But I have also found it hard to do some of the things I normally do. My current knitting project has taken me way longer to complete than I thought it would because the parts of the pattern that should have been a minor challenge have proven to be a major one.
I’m seeing the strain of isolation in some of my more extroverted family members and trying to think of ways to help them through this. It’s no wonder there’s so much pressure to open things back up. The restrictions are painful for extroverts.
Yes, Kit, that first paragraph is exactly it. And I know extroverts who are really suffering, too. It’s tough for almost everyone, just in different ways.