So, due to some health stuff, writing has had to take a back burner and it totally sucks. I expect this to be temporary, and I fully plan on being back at it as soon as my fingers can get typing. But in the meantime, I’ve been doing some serious contemplation about art. Specifically, Tarot and Lenormand decks.
For those who don’t know, I started on a dog deck for my sister about twenty-five years ago but never finished it. So that’s on my list of things to do. I’d like to expand the subjects to include other dogs and our cat, Hailey, as the only subject at the time was our dog, Emmy, who is of course now deceased. So that’s a thing. But lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life in general and healing, affirmations, self-care, and other self-empowering type stuff. I just turned forty-six last month, and it dawned on me that I could use a bit of healing, being that I had been bullied and made fun of as a child and was in an abusive marriage. And I thought a healing/self-empowerment type Tarot deck would be so cool. There are so many out there, you can’t even believe. Kickstarter is literally my Kryptonite — I got turned on to it last year and went on a bit of a backing spree on Tarot decks. Of course I stopped before things got out of hand, and I backed them with the idea that they would fund so I planned on having the money going out (that way I couldn’t play the whole “well, if it doesn’t fund, I won’t lose any money” game because THEY ALL FUNDED and I knew they would!) so I was smart about it. But…I can’t even go on there anymore — too tempting. So I am possession of probably ten new Tarot decks. I have one left to receive. They are all awesome, and wonderful, and a few are collector’s items, and I have NO regrets. And this made me realize that hey, made I could do this.
So yeah. The idea I have is self-portraits, just because this is what I’ve always done since college and I am used to it. I also think it would help me heal in the creation, which is also the point. I’d have to change a few things around, as traditional Tarot has male and female subjects. But I have seen all-female decks and suitless decks — yeah, I don’t exactly have swords lying around, and can’t afford to buy any. Or wands. Cups and coins maybe. But not the other ones.
It’d be black and white, and ideally, I’d love to do it old style on film in my darkroom. This is highly dependent upon time and energy, as I’d need to clean up my darkroom first. And then work on my feet for hours developing film and printing enlargements. I’d love every second, because that’s my passion, but I’m almost thirty years older than when I first started — and I feel those years, let me tell you! I haven’t been in my darkroom for that reason. And time. My day job workload has been nuts, and my energy is down to almost nothing these days, so we’ll have to see. Failing that, it’s digital all the way, baby. I’d love to do digital infrared, which is absolutely gorgeous. Everything’s glowy and anything green turns white, and your sky looks dark like it’s about to storm. It’s just so cool.
So that’s the plan for that. I’d just need to figure out costuming, poses, and the exact concept so they’d look cohesive. No pressure, right? I have some ideas for costumes and locations. But that’s about it so far. I kinda wish I could draw. I’d be so much easier if I could draw my preliminary ideas.
For Lenormand, I’d like to make an Esperanto-themed deck. It’d be green and white, and the names of the emblems would be in Esperanto instead of English. The guidebook, of course, would have the translations. I think it would be awesome, because nothing like this exists yet. And hey, Esperantists need a deck of their own, right? I’m thinking this might be easier to start with, as the emblems are easier and it’s only thirty-six cards whereas Tarot is much more complex and there’s seventy-eight cards.
Anyway, that’s my grand plan for someday. I keep thinking about it, but it’s just become a nebulous thing because health stuff has basically eaten what little time I have away from work. Hopefully that stuff will be resolved soon, and I can write again and maybe start preliminary work on these decks. It’d be awesome to bring them into the world. I’ve always loved art, ever since I started studying photography alongside my journalism major. Photography was part of the Art Department so we were taught fine art techniques, and I totally fell in love. So much that I almost switched majors! But I didn’t. But you better believe I did everything I could to first try to get an MFA and then get a BFA. Alas, neither one ever came to be. But I did get my darkroom!
So that’s what I’ve been thinking about during this mini writing hiatus. I am hoping to get back to writing soon so I can feel more like myself. Turning forty-six feels strange without the writing to bring me home. But photography and art helps ease the pain. 🙂