Re-entry, Part 3

[CW: pandemic, mental health]

Here in Toronto, the world hasn’t fully started up again yet. Lots of white-collar workers are still working from home at least some of the time, and downtown is still pretty empty. My contra dance group has just held its first dance since February 2020 (though I didn’t feel comfortable attending…maybe next time).

And I’m tiptoeing back, one step at a time…but there are an awful lot of steps to take, somehow. (Case in point: this is my third re-entry post.)

My spouse and I just got back from our first trip since summer 2020 — we took the train to Montreal to visit family for a week. It was wonderful to spend time with some of my immediate family members again, as well as hug a dear friend and pet a kitty and visit a bilingual indie SF&F bookstore. The travel and associated “new” experiences were less anxiety-inducing than I’d feared, especially since I had a really hard time with going back to the office pre-Omicron. My anxiety from earlier in the pandemic still flares up sometimes, but it’s back to being more manageable now. As long as I’m able to keep my mask on, I’m okay. (It gets harder as the hours stretch on or when I need to take the mask off in close quarters.)

The part I found more exhausting was all the “peopling”, that is, spending time around people (other than my spouse, who doesn’t count). I’m an introvert and have always needed plenty of alone time to recharge, but I seem to have lost all my stamina and/or coping strategies. There were lots of emotions, and those sometimes show up as tiredness for me, too, if I haven’t processed them yet. Or maybe I was just exhausted, period…it’s been a very long and stressful 2+ years with not nearly enough vacation. Whatever the reason, I kept having to disappear and have a nap or at least quiet time with low stimulus.

Still, it was a big step taken successfully, and we had a lovely and much-needed visit. I’m thankful to have some equally much-needed time now to rest before taking the next steps, big or small.