Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of daily life, we forget to stop and give thanks for our blessings. I know I do. Frequently. It’s easy to take for granted that we’re healthy, or that we’ve got food to eat, or a roof over our heads. We forget that there are people out there who don’t have those things. And then it’s like, whoa, I am so lucky. I need to thank God/the Universe/whomever for this. Every Thanksgiving I try my best to practice gratitude. At our table, we list our blessings and what we are thankful for. It’s a small but very powerful thing. It reminds us that we should never take anything for granted.
As you know, my health has never been perfect. But I am very lucky in that I’ve never had cancer or any other serious or life-threatening illness. I’ve never had to think about what happens after I’m gone in a very real way (versus abstractly right now) or actually make preparations for that possibility or say goodbyes or be faced with options that will either give me three great months or seven horrible ones. I thank God for that all the time. Yeah, I get frustrated with things — the severe fatigue, the sleep issues, the little stuff that pops up…but nothing’s killing me. I’m lucky. So damn lucky. I’m also grateful for my business, my job, which allows me to work from home and not jeopardize my health worse by having to work in a traditional office environment. That’s huge. While that job takes about 90% of my time, leaving very little time for writing or anything else, I am damn lucky to have it and my clients. (And I have the best clients). I’m damn lucky I was able to pull it together and make it even happen five years ago and not have to go back to traditional work. That was a very real possibility.
Last year, I wrote 6,000 words. Yep, you read that right. Six thousand words, when my average was around 150,000 words. And that was when I’d slowed down a bit. (In my “prolific” days, prior to tendonitis, I was hitting the 200,000-word mark). I despaired that I’d lost it. I was done. My writing days were over. I’d never finish another book. I should just hang it up now. I’d had a lovely run, but clearly it just wasn’t going to work. But then I remembered. Man, I’d had some rough years. COVID, the year prior, did us all in. We all coped in various ways. Then my sleep/fatigue issues popped up, and things got really dicey for a bit there. I had to make some very hard decisions, and dig deep and gather my strength and keep on keeping on — even as exhausted as I was. (And you have no idea how exhausted I really was. Sleep issues are brutal). It was horrific, really. Just a bad time all around. I began to realize that it was a damn miracle that I wrote anything at all! And that’s not counting all the poetry, either! I’d started writing poetry again! That was probably the biggest win. Because I’d thought I’d forgotten how to write it, when in reality my style and perspective had changed in the past twenty years.
This year I swore I’d write more. When I hit 12,000 words, I rejoiced. I’d written double what I’d written last year! Whoohoo! But I wanted more. When National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) rolled around this month, I decided to jump in, even though 50,000 words was not happening. I’ll just write what I can and be happy with that, I thought. And truly — 2008 was the last year of 50k anyway, so I’m no stranger to not “winning.” Bad wrists make it impossible. I used to try for 30k. Now…it’s whatever I feel I can do. So far, I’ve got 949 words written. You can laugh. It’s funny, really. The manuscript is actually around 5k, so there’s that. I am hoping to at least hit 1k before NaNo ends. But even so…it’s the best I can do. And that’s all I can ask of myself.
Currently, I’m sitting at around 17,719 words for the year. I decided that 20,000 words was a nice, round, doable number to shoot for. I’ve got 2,281 words left to go. Can I hit that by Dec. 31st? I sure hope so! If not, I know I gave it my best shot.
So I am grateful for the persistance and strength it takes to start over. I’ve had to do it before. And it felt a bit like defeat. But not really. Victory is in reach. I just got to grab it. I’ve always been very driven, very eyes-on-the-prize, nothing’s-gonna-stop-me, and I believe that’s part of my success. So I give thanks for that part of me. I also give thanks for my fellow Turtleduckers Siri, KD, and Kit for believing in me and for encouraging me, comforting me when I need it, and for not letting me get down on myself. They are truly the best friends on the planet — I would not be the writer I am without them, without their support, without the fish (long story), cracked whips, venting sessions, tough love, awesome editing, brainstorming sessions, and love. I couldn’t ask for better.
And I am also thankful for my hubby and my family for their unwavering support as well.
Lastly, but not least, Queensryche. Why? Well, they’re my favorite band. They just released a new album, Digital Noise Alliance, which is nothing short of amazing. It’s inspiring, it’s comforting. It’ll get you headbanging and then heal your hurts afterward. But it’s their music in general, and their lead singer, Todd La Torre, and his solo album, Rejoice in the Suffering, that inspired me to write poetry again. Something about those lyrics unlocked something inside me. I can’t explain it. But I’ll always be grateful to all of them for the role they’ve played in my life personally and in my writing.
So there’s my gratitude list for this year. Who — or what — are you grateful for this year?