Man, I haven’t been this blocked in years. Usually, it’s when I’ve taken a bad turn in the plot somewhere, and I need to start over from that point and figure out what happened and how to fix it. Usually, I’ll use a few different methods such as Tarot cards, freewriting, brainstorming, and even playing various writerly “games” to get at my subconscious and the answer—or, at least the beginning of the answer and over the hump so I can start writing again and in the right direction. (The writerly “games” are courtesy of Holly Lisle’s Create a Plot Clinic – an amazing book that I highly recommend — and I do not make any money from this; I am just a huge fan of her fiction and nonfiction).
However, I’ve had a fair amount of upheaval in the past few years. We’ve got the pandemic, of course. My ongoing sleep issues, which are getting better, but aren’t perfect yet. We’ve got my usual chronic illness stuff. My business, which is thriving, but also takes a lot of time and energy. I’m still working on that part. I think a lot of this is effecting my creativity. I wrote 6,000 words in 2021. Abysmal, but things were crap that year. Last year was much better at 20,000 words. Yay! I’d said at least double 6,000, and I’d made that and a bit more. This year? I’m at about 2,000. Granted, we’re only into April, so there’s time. And I’ve been blocked so…makes sense, although in previous years I’d be at a least 30,000 or 40,000 words by now. Oddly enough, I’ve had almost no problem churning out poetry. Go figure.
I also wonder if I’m just flat out tired. Before the pandemic and my business, I’d written every single day, with few exceptions, for at least a decade, if not longer. That’s a long time. I averaged about 100,000 to 200,000 words a year, and that was on the low side. One year I hit just shy of 400,000! Of course, things were different. I’d been working in a traditional job, I had a steady, consistant schedule that I stuck to like it was a job, and I didn’t have as many issues with sleep. I was still chronically ill, but I was managing it okay. But, things change, don’t they?
So, my issue now is the anthology story due for TDP in the summer and my erotic romance for Radish I’d like to start publishing. (Like, last year). And a hundred other stories waiting. I’ve been doing stuff here and there, but nothing’s gelling. I started a rewrite of the antho story because it just wasn’t working. And hit a wall. A literal, I-can’t-move-on-for-crap wall. I mean, I knew it. I got that feeling in my gut that said, “Oh crap. It needs something, and hell if I know what that is.”
And…other things? Same problem. The Radish story? The last scene I wrote? A disaster. The other stories I’d like to poke at? I’m not even sure where to even start with those. They feel so…far away. Even though I know where to go next, where I’m at (with one I’d just finished a replot) …there’s just a feeling of…I don’t even know what. I don’t understand. This isn’t making any sense. Am I no longer able to even write books anymore?
Seriously. But I’m sure it’s just temporary. It’s happened before.
So, I did something slightly different. I threw a Lenormand spread.
Here’s what I got:
Woman – Scythe – Man – Mountain – Tower
At first glance, that’s a big YIKES because of all the negative cards (Scythe, Mountain, Tower). The actual question was, however, “What steps do I need to take to resolve my writer’s block?” In Lenormand, the question is sooooo important.
So, actually, it’s not at all BAD.
The Man card threw me. Usually, in Lenormand, the Man card, when there’s a Woman (or female-presenting querent) is usually the closest male (or male-presenting person) in her life. This would be my husband. But that did not resonate, as one person would most likely not be the solution to a problem such as this.
The Woman, we know is me. The Scythe is cutting/removing. The Man card has come up for me personally, sometimes, as mankind, people, as a whole. So the Scythe between the Woman and the Man? Cut myself off from mankind. Go within. Get away from all this freaking chaos that’s obviously bubbling under the surface.
Mountain says to remove those blocks/obstacles to that growth – since it comes after (you read left to right, but what comes before is affected by the next card), and the Tower at the end reinforces that by saying, isolate, put up walls, protect yourself and your energy.
And that DOES resonate. It sounds totally what would work for someone like me, as I am an empath, and I tend to take on everyone’s emotions, crap, and problems. Including the world’s. So, clearly I’ve been more affected by all this insanity than I even realized. One thing about Lenormand: it doesn’t shy away from giving it to you straight. You ask — it tells you. Bluntly.
And this is why I did this reading. Because I needed answers. Bluntly.
So this is what I will try to do. Hunker down, ignore the chaos, protect my energy, meditate, and try to keep on keeping on. The block WILL crumble. It always does, eventually. Just hope it does soon. I got deadlines, man!