Re-entry, Part 5

[CW: pandemic, mental health]

It turns out there’s no clean way to exit a pandemic. Not for the world at large, and especially not for individuals who have been deeply affected for one reason or another, like me. So I’m still edging back into a new kind of normal life, still taking steps and hesitating to take other steps.

I’m still wearing a mask on public transit and sometimes other places indoors, gradually getting looser (and going out to restaurants more). I have some travel coming up later this month and don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize it, but after that I plan to push myself gently to drop the mask more often. Though I have to say I don’t miss the constant colds and occasional flus…so I intend to keep wearing it on public transit.

The travel I have planned will be my first contra dance trip, first non-family trip, and first cross-border travel since February 2020 (let’s just say we were very very lucky that time). It’s a road trip and then a week-long dance camp (!!!) at a summer camp venue in MA. The pandemic precautions for the camp are pretty robust, and people mostly stay on-site all week, so I felt safer going there than to a typical urban dance weekend with everyone eating in restaurants and such. Plus, it will satisfy my annual craving to get out of the city once summer hits.

In the meantime, though, I’ve been gradually increasing my in-office days. I started going in once a week several months ago, have just added a second day, and will soon be adding a third (and final) day. It’s…still damn hard, every time. I struggle with getting up and out the door on time, the public transit commute is draining, and I’m always zonked the next day. I am getting more used to working in the office again, though — focusing despite other people and noises around me, remembering to use earplugs when I need to, enjoying seeing my colleagues in person and making small talk. All things that I’m out of practice on and now have to work at…no wonder I’m zonked.

Something I haven’t done yet is go to a crowded event with more than a few dozen attendees, even outdoors, much less indoors. That’s another milestone. I bought tickets to a Rhiannon Giddens concert in September. The venue holds 1100 people; it might be smart to go to a movie theatre or another smaller event before then, for practice.

One step at a time.