I’ve had some pretty crappy things happen in the past few months, things that have tested my strength and the strength of my marriage. However, I have much to be grateful for.
I have an amazing family. Not only are they generous and wonderful, but they’ve all helped my husband and I when we needed it, especially during this time. They gave us things they didn’t have to give. They’ve tried to keep our spirits up. My in-laws even dropped everything and came over just to talk. To give us love and support, something we really needed.
In the wake of what happened (and I’m intentionally being vague for privacy reasons), I was very, very angry. Mostly at the other people involved, at our circumstances, and at myself. While it wasn’t my fault or my husband’s, I felt responsible for our financial well-being and got down on myself for not making enough money to carry us.
Typical me, though. I’ve always had the highest expectations of myself.
But then I looked at it a bit differently: I have a job, and in this economy, that’s a lot. I have longevity at my job, which really helps (meaning I’m not likely to be laid off — I’ve been there for almost 11 years). We have some savings. We don’t have a mortgage or children (unless you count the cat). We’re in relatively decent health. And we have people who love us.
Does anything else really matter in the grand scheme?
As far as I’m concerned, we don’t need anything else. The best Christmas gift this year is exactly that: people who love us.
There are people who don’t even have that. People who are alone for one reason or another, or are homeless or jobless. People who have no money. People who have no possessions, nothing that means anything to them. And I mean sentimental value, not iPods or iPads or the latest and greatest technology. Just things like my grandfather’s wedding ring, and my first published chapbook or my grandma’s typewriter. Or the pictures I took in college. Or a RAM chip my beloved co-worker Mike gave me for Christmas the first year I was with the company. He didn’t have a lot of money but wanted to give me something, and he thought I’d appreciate it, being a fellow computer geek and all. He passed away in 2004. That RAM chip? It’s on my special shelf right where I can see it every day and remember him.
Christmas to me is also a time of reflection. We’re almost to a new year, a new chapter in our lives. And I often look into the past, figure out where I was and where I want to be. Things I’d like to leave behind. Things I’d like to manifest in the new year (like a getting an agent…). I think about those who are no longer with me and remember them. I fill myself with memories, vivid and happy, and I let them wash over me like a wave. And, most of all, I love. Everything I do is out of love. Notice that I didn’t mention gifts. And sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care, but really? For me, it’s about the giving. The look on someone’s face when he or she opens a gift I either made or bought especially for him or her. It is the best feeling in the world. You can almost feel the love, you know? That to me is the true magic of Christmas.
I don’t know what’s to come in 2012, but I know this: I have everything I’ve ever wanted, right here. I am truly blessed. And that makes all the difference in the world.
What blessings are you thankful for this year?
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