All my life, I’ve been held back by fear – fear of failure, fear of injury, fear of the unknown. When I thought about it, I realized that most of the circumstances in my life that I don’t like are due to those fears.
So, I decided that 2014 would be my Year of No Fear. I posted a manifesto recently. Fellow Turtleducker KD Sarge has joined me.
I have quite a few things on my manifesto, and even few I can’t talk about publicly. I’m in the process of working on my fear of injury right now.
Let me explain. I’ve always been a klutz. I also have vertigo/balance issues, so things like rollerblading were really, really tough. I’ve always wanted to ice skate, but assumed (and feared) I would fall and hurt myself in some spectacular manner. Because I don’t do things halfway. I never quite got the hang of rollerblading. I could do it without holding on to something, and my ex-husband had me in padding so thick I could barely move. But I felt okay, not confident. I remember one time when we were skating down this incline at a park — I was freaking terrified. A friend suggested I bend my knees. And I managed to do it without injury, so that was encouraging.
And then I stopped rollerblading.
It’s been at least thirteen years. So over the holidays I got to thinking. Wouldn’t be awesome to learn how to ice skate? To conquer that fear? Hell yeah. So I asked my hubby if he’d be willing to do it, and he said yes.
My first words on the ice? “It’s…slippery.” No kidding. I used the wall my first 6 or so laps around, just trying to get a feel for things.
It’s tough balancing on one blade. And stroking (a gliding method of movement)? No way. So I was in fact terrified, but I’d taken the first step towards conquering that fear.
By the time we were done, I wasn’t holding the wall anymore. I only held onto my hubby’s hand. I wasn’t zipping across the ice like a pro, but I was moving along and getting comfortable. I had a few moments where I thought I might wipe out, but luckily I was able to stay standing, miracle of miracles. The feeling of freedom — of letting go of the fear — was freaking AMAZING. I had never felt so good in my life. I, klutzy Erin Zarro who’s dizzy all the time, ice skated…and did not fall!
Hubby and I have been out 2 times since and I’m getting better. I haven’t fallen yet. Each time I need to reacquaint myself with the feeling of being on one blade, and had to use the wall a bit, but it’s coming along. I’m confident that I can do this, and do it right.
Ironically enough, I did take a fall, just not on the rink. I never would have saw that coming.
So, one fear down. Many more to go.