Face Everything and Rise

This is my new motto. The idea behind it is that F.E.A.R. can be an acronym — Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. And I need that so much right now.

Recently I started having these weird, head-in-a-vise kinds of headaches. They are mostly in the back of my head, but sometimes I’ll get pain on the sides just behind my ear. It is mostly on the left side (which is my TN side), but once in a great while the pain will migrate to the right. They also tend to flare up the TN which makes it a double whammy of pain.

At first I thought it was the trigeminal neuralgia, but the trigeminal nerve doesn’t go to those places. The occipital nerves do, though. But according to my research, there would need to be some sort of damage, so I don’t think that’s it.

These headaches can at times be worse than migraines. There’s the feeling of major pressure, and I find it difficult to concentrate. Maybe it’s from having migraines for years (since I was eighteen), but it’s difficult but not impossible to work with a migraine (I once worked with one that lasted six days. I actually wonder now if it was a TN attack and I just didn’t know it). So it’s affecting my work, my sleep…everything. And I’m in constant fear of the next onslaught.

While at the neurologist on Wednesday, I told her about the headaches and she believes it is from extremely tight neck and shoulder muscles. She prescribed some muscle relaxers and told me to apply heat/cold and rest my neck. So I’ve been doing that. I also slept last night with a neck pillow and on my back which I thought might help keep my neck stable. Unfortunately, I woke up with a headache, so I’m not sure how effective it was. The hardest part is backing off the computer. I’m still upstairs in the kitchen, and I’ve been taking breaks here and there. Unfortunately, I have deadlines looming so I may need to step it up regardless. We think that my heavy computer usage might be part of the problem since my work is one hundred percent computer based now. Especially since I don’t really have any back support. The neurologist suggested trigger point injections. I actually made the appointment, but my sister brought up the point that it could actually do more harm than good because I also have fibromyalgia. So I will probably end up canceling it.

The neurologist said that if this stuff doesn’t help, I might need imaging. Nothing else was said, but I know enough about this stuff to know that it could be something more serious. The good news is that yes I Googled brain tumors and apart from the headaches, I don’t have any other symptoms. Then again, I really shouldn’t be doing that. Bad Erin, no cookie.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I totally am. But I’m trying to come at this logically. It’s totally possible that my neurologist is right, and I just need to rest/ice/take medication and wait for it to get better. I’ve always healed slowly due to the fibro, so it might be a long haul. I am also trying to not stress about work. I have worked through things before and if need be, I will again.

So I am most definitely facing everything. All I need to do is rise.