Media depictions of friendship are a funny thing. Everyone in the movies or on TV seems to have one best friend, or maybe a tight-knit group of three or four (carefully chosen to be complementary, of course), who will be there to help out when you’re moving, mourning, celebrating, or anything in between.
If you’re anything like me, not having a circle that looks like that can lead to feelings of inferiority. It certainly did when I was getting married in 2012 (and didn’t have a nice tidy squad of bridesmaids), when I’ve asked for in-person practical help and nobody volunteered, when I’ve been fighting depression and everything feels worse.
But…
I have a tight-knit community of online friends (including my fellow Turtleduckers) who cheerlead for my writing, listen patiently to my daily worries and complaints, and much, much more.
I have a tight-knit community of contra dance friends who give the best hugs, belly laughs, moments of “flow” and play, and much, much more. (I got to dance four weekends in a row in February, including one entire weekend away that involved a hilarious carpool of 40something women, a hotel suite full of geeks, and lots of folks I only get to see once or twice a year. Those weekends got me through the month.)
I have friends who come when I throw a party, even though I still feel like an awkward host.
I have friends who invite me over to their messy house so we can order takeout and watch Paw Patrol with their kids, and it’s awesome because we’re in similar life stages (I don’t have kids, but I do have an aging parent and homeowner problems) and can commiserate about all the things.
I have friends from high school who still show up when I’m back in my hometown so we can check in on each other’s lives.
I have friends (overlapping with the above) whom I chat with online at least once a week, just to decompress and say “I care about how your day-to-day life is going.”
And last but absolutely not least, I have a husband who’s…maybe my best friend? We love doing, or talking about, anything and everything together. He doesn’t fulfill all my emotional needs. But neither does one single other person among those I call friends. And maybe that’s okay.