First Minion, Knitter of the Squid

You’ve seen this shirt, right? Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to write. When you lose a friend on the internet, you may not even know it for a while. It’s sad. You meet someone, in the wilds of the internet, who lives states or even oceans away from you. You form a friendship that is very, very real to both of you, though the world still looks down on meeting people online. Maybe you exchange addresses, to exchange cookies. Send each other gifts. Mention your online friends to the people around you, but if they were into the same things your online friend and you are, they’d know your online friend. Then something happens. There is a friend-shaped hole in your internet, and you go snooping about the edges, maybe reaching out to acquaintances, lovely people you don’t talk to much, but know they shared a different passion with your friend than the one you talked to her about. If you’re lucky, you find your friend. Computer was down, internet broke, they just needed to be quiet–all’s well. If you’re unlucky, you find out your friend passed away, and no one who knew that knew enough about you to tell you. My dear friend Bea passed away last month. I will miss her, more than I think i even know now. She was my friend, and she was my biggest fan. She loved Knight Errant, saying it was one of her favorite books. IIRC, once she declared me and…

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An Ode to Imperfect Friendships

Media depictions of friendship are a funny thing. Everyone in the movies or on TV seems to have one best friend, or maybe a tight-knit group of three or four (carefully chosen to be complementary, of course), who will be there to help out when you’re moving, mourning, celebrating, or anything in between. If you’re anything like me, not having a circle that looks like that can lead to feelings of inferiority. It certainly did when I was getting married in 2012 (and didn’t have a nice tidy squad of bridesmaids), when I’ve asked for in-person practical help and nobody volunteered, when I’ve been fighting depression and everything feels worse. But… I have a tight-knit community of online friends (including my fellow Turtleduckers) who cheerlead for my writing, listen patiently to my daily worries and complaints, and much, much more. I have a tight-knit community of contra dance friends who give the best hugs, belly laughs, moments of “flow” and play, and much, much more. (I got to dance four weekends in a row in February, including one entire weekend away that involved a hilarious carpool of 40something women, a hotel suite full of geeks, and lots of folks I only get to see once or twice a year. Those weekends got me through the month.) I have friends who come when I throw a party, even though I still feel like an awkward host. I have friends who invite me over to their messy house so we can order…

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