The first bedroom I remember was the smallest in our house then, so I always thought of it as small. Having seen some postage-stamp bedrooms since, on the other hand…
But the room was small-ish. And then, as now, I wanted all the things, all the choices, all the options, and so it was full. Very full. I’m talking path to the bed and the rest of the floor covered maybe a foot deep, full. I don’t remember how long it was like that. I do remember once throwing a pillow to cover the face of a doll who was face-up and staring at me from a corner I couldn’t reach.
That pillow stayed there a long time.
After my mom passed, my dad rearranged things, giving himself the smallest bedroom. My brothers, who shared, moved up to the biggest, and I got the middle-sized, more than twice the size of my first room, and the only one with a closet. A huge closet, since some wise person had seen a room with no closet and simply built a wall across one end. Ta-da!
But to get that room, I had to move my stuff. All my stuff, including more than a foot of sediment from the past few years.
I remember lying across my bed, with a “move this” bag on one side and a garbage bag on the other, and picking up one thing after another. I had to do it, so I did. It took forever.
Once in the new room, I had a closet. and I had two dressers! And a table, to write or do puzzles on, curtains my grandmother made me, and floor space. Oh, I loved that floor space! I never let my floor get covered again.
In the years since, the volume of my space has changed many times. With all the contractions and expansions, my rooms have gone through a lot of convolutions. It is a constant battle, it turns out, between the side of me that wants ALL THE SPACE and the side that wants ALL THE THINGS.
Twin bed and floor space? Or the wildly luxurious full bed? Plants? Or floor space? Books? Or floor space?
Both sides are, of course, doomed to disappointment. Compromise is the name of the game. I do need some stuff! But I’ve noticed that the “moar space!” side is winning more and more as time goes on.
Over this past weekend I managed to give my room a good deep cleaning, something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time. I dusted door frames and the ceiling fan, I moved furniture to clean under it, I got rid of an amount of stuff, moved a few items of furniture to different homes, though alas (I really like to rearrange my room) there is only one bed placement that actually works in the odd-shaped space I have. (Some brilliant person NOT having made a smart choice in placing the closet in this room…)
The main thing I wanted, was enough room to do yoga in the mornings. I had enough room, actually—but I wanted to feel like I had enough room, and I didn’t have that.
So I cleaned and moved things and before I went to bed last night I picked out a yoga video, and tossed my mat on the floor. Gonna do yoga this morning…
Got up, went to the bathroom and came back and—
Well, I’m glad someone is enjoying the fruits of my labor.
I feel I should mention, that she was not in my room before I left it. She sleeps with her human, on the other end of the house. She dragged herself from that comfy nest on the chilliest morning we’ve had in eight months, just to come and Occupy!YogaMat.
She is an obstructionist extraordinaire, and as we say around here–very cat. So cat.