It’s Alive!!

…And no, I’m not talking about Frankenstein. Although I could draw some very interesting parallels — stay with me, here.

Okay, so let me start from the beginning. Every January (or in the case of this year, February because reasons), I pick a languishing novel out of my pile to start the new year off with. I don’t actually continue working on it, but I give it a bit of time, just to keep it in the background of my mind, refill the well, remind myself that it still exists, and experience the magic again. It’s tradition. Currently, I have three such novels. So I wanted to work on a different one from last year, so I chose Survivor, my oldest work to date. For those of you just joining the madness, Survivor is a psychological thriller/horror novel I started way back in 2004 for a two-year novel writing class I was taking at the time. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It ended up being one of the best books I’ve ever written — and the most maddening, for a variety of reasons. But I love it, believe in it, and this book haunts me. YES. So the goal is to get it published, naturally…except…um…it needs a major rewrite because 2004!Erin just wasn’t as good a writer as 2023!Erin. And well, the book’s in pieces, and — (Frankenstein reference, anyone?) well, it’s been majorly intimidating me for years, but…in 2019 or so, I decided that enough was enough and I would start it for Camp NaNoWriMo, come hell or high water. Because if I didn’t, I never would. And that would be tragic.

Additionally, there’s mind control and is inspired by a heavy metal album (Operation: Mindcrime by Queensryche), one of my favorites, and the book literally wrote itself at one point because there are parts I have no recollection of writing. How’s that for eerie? (There’s also some very, very well hidden personal shit in it too, but that’s another story for another day).

Now that you’re caught up, here’s what happened. I read over the 10,000 or so words I’d already written for Camp. Read over my outline, the one I’d painstakingly put together back in 2007 after writing the book (that’s my process, so I can see the entire picture, and thank God for that because most of it is out of order now — don’t ask). And tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do with it next. So I let that simmer for a few days while working, writing poetry, studying Esperanto…my usual stuff. And then I sat down and wrote 490 words. (The goal was 100, being that it was the first writing session of the year). And…the scene took an unusual turn. And I thought about it afterward and wanted to rewrite it — later, of course, as I never rewrite/edit while drafting — and do something else. But then I got to thinking. What if this THING that happened was the way it was SUPPOSED to go? And what if this thing caused this OTHER thing to happen so much sooner? Now this thing that happens sooner (I’m being vague on purpose) will basically change the entire plot, BUT — I am thinking this will make it better. I thought through the implications and what I could do with this. And it’s…well, it’s awesome. I think I can still work in what happens in the original, just on a smaller scale and later, but now…this THING I’m speaking vaguely about? I think it will become a lot more prominent. And I think that this might actually work better.

Naturally, I am very excited to work on it again. I mean, I’ve wanted to for a very long time, but due to other projects and deadlines, I just haven’t had the time to really dig in. But I have decided that once my plate is somewhat clear…I’m going to work on it. Even if it’s here and there. Back when I was first writing it in 2004, I only worked on it on Sundays, because I had another book I was writing during the week. So I wrote 1,500 words every Sunday. I am considering doing something like that again. Just to keep it moving. I mean, twenty years on my hard drive is a long time, and I promised myself I would try to publish it someday soon and well…someday soon has passed. Soooo yeah. I would like to put it on my schedule and do something with it this year.

It really needs to get out there. This is a really cool book, an awesome story, a kinda mentally mind-bending story, and it’s pretty dark at times. It’s survived my first marriage and subsequent divorce, three moves, and my second marriage. I don’t know how many computers. At least five. I still have all the original files, separately and in one huge document that’s got over a thousand pages. It’s a testament to how hard the story bug has bitten me that I am still thinking of it twenty years later and saying, “Damn, I should really work on this and get it out there.”

Those are gold. Those are the ones that people will remember, I think. I once believed it would be optioned for film, too.

But, I’ll never know if I don’t finish what I started back in 2004.

Here I come, Survivor. You and I are gonna do great things.