Re-entry
[CW: COVID, mental health, depression, anxiety] Last spring, we watched COVID coming. First it was very far away, until suddenly it wasn’t anymore. First handwashing was enough, then it wasn’t and everyone was sent home (for certain values of “everyone”). Then it was a waiting game to see how bad the news would get here. Back then, I just…froze. (I’m a natural worrier anyway. I have a history of depression; I haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety, but I wouldn’t be surprised either.) My brain heard “pandemic” and went into hindbrain survival mode. Never mind that I’m not a health care worker, nor a front line worker, nor a hospitality worker watching my job or business evaporate. Never mind that I didn’t have any loved ones in long-term care. (I do have loved ones who are vulnerable for other reasons, though.) Never mind that I didn’t know anyone who died of it (until this year, but that’s another story). I’ll be honest: I spent more than a month barely functioning. Eventually I called my doctor and we tweaked some stuff and then I could function again, but it still wasn’t pretty. I turned into a workaholic instead (partly because my job got super busy right at the same time). I did manage to stay connected with friends online–multiple ongoing text chats, Zoom watch parties, Zoom yoga. Sometimes I didn’t feel like talking, but they understood. My mental health has been improving, mostly. But physically I became a hermit (to be fair,…