Home Posts tagged "mental health" (Page 2)

Tag: mental health

Christmas is in…how many days?!

Is it time to panic? I think it’s time to panic. To be fair, my family’s been hit pretty hard with some challenges this year. My husband just tested positive for COVID, despite all efforts toward being safe. Three years he dodged it. Only to be hit with it five days before Christmas. What terrible luck! The good news is that it seems to be a mild case, and he’s already feeling a bit better, so we may have a chance of having our holiday celebration on Sunday. However — and here’s the tough part — we’re worried about anyone else coming down with it in between. We are quarantining, distancing, masking, and doing everything we can to avoid catching it, but you know how that works — sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw. If anyone does get it, then it’s game over. We are already having a second celebration the Wednesday afterward to accomodate my sister, who can’t be with us for Christmas due to having to work, so we could, theoretically, have the whole thing that day — if everyone’s okay. But prep-wise, which my mom and I are doing (as usual, and in some considerable pain as we both have a genetic hip/back issue that’s acting up), we don’t know what to do yet. Do we make the food as if we’re having it Sunday? Or do we wait a bit? I already cleaned the bathroom (my usual job) because regardless, that needed doing. But…having…

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Gratitude

Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of daily life, we forget to stop and give thanks for our blessings. I know I do. Frequently. It’s easy to take for granted that we’re healthy, or that we’ve got food to eat, or a roof over our heads. We forget that there are people out there who don’t have those things. And then it’s like, whoa, I am so lucky. I need to thank God/the Universe/whomever for this. Every Thanksgiving I try my best to practice gratitude. At our table, we list our blessings and what we are thankful for. It’s a small but very powerful thing. It reminds us that we should never take anything for granted. As you know, my health has never been perfect. But I am very lucky in that I’ve never had cancer or any other serious or life-threatening illness. I’ve never had to think about what happens after I’m gone in a very real way (versus abstractly right now) or actually make preparations for that possibility or say goodbyes or be faced with options that will either give me three great months or seven horrible ones. I thank God for that all the time. Yeah, I get frustrated with things — the severe fatigue, the sleep issues, the little stuff that pops up…but nothing’s killing me. I’m lucky. So damn lucky. I’m also grateful for my business, my job, which allows me to work from home and not jeopardize my health worse by having to work…

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Re-entry, Part 4

KD is still off having adventures, so you get bonus Siri this month! [CW: pandemic, mental health] Last time I wrote a re-entry post, I’d just gotten back from visiting family in Montreal, and I wrote about how big a step it was for me and how exhausting I found it. Well, I’ve just had another Montreal visit (to see a very small human and their parents — my third bit of travel this year, all for family reasons). I’m pleased to report that it felt much more doable. My stamina for peopling was better — I did need frequent introvert-recharge breaks, but that’s always been true for me. I kept my mask on during most of the long train ride and on public transit, but not in a coffee shop or on busy sidewalks. (Also, the weather and the leaves were gorgeous, as has been the case every time I’ve visited in the fall. Highly recommend October in Montreal, especially if you can get there by taking the train.) I’ve started going to contra dances again — masks are still required, which makes them feel much safer, and it’s wonderful to be back with my dance community after so long. My spouse and I have been cautiously eating in restaurants now and then, as long as they’re mostly empty and/or there’s a lot of airflow from open windows. I still wear masks on public transit and mostly in stores. I’m in no hurry to risk going anywhere crowded —…

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My Body, My Head, and I

Why are bodies? as the kids say. Or, translated: Why are bodies so demanding? I’m a writer (obviously) and editor. I like to live in my head, which means I tend to ignore the fact that I’m not a brain in a jar. Sometimes my body makes demands, and when it doesn’t get what it wants, it complains — increasingly so, as I get older. This summer I’ve been trying to pull myself out of the sedentary lifestyle that I’ve been seduced into by the pandemic and its attendant anxiety and depression. I love walking anywhere there are trees, but Toronto’s summers are humid and gross (and our winters and sometimes our springs are damp and gross; we have beautiful autumns, though). I enjoy doing yoga at home, where I can go at my own pace and modify as much as I need, but I can’t seem to make the habit stick. My beloved dance community ran for a few months in the spring after its pandemic hiatus; I’ve made it to only one dance so far, but am hoping to go regularly when it restarts in autumn. Then there’s that demanding body. First my ankle complained. Then the ankle healed but my knee started acting up. Now I’m having a recurrence of an old wrist and shoulder issue…plus an eye issue that came up in the spring and isn’t going away. Most of these aren’t huge problems, but they’re all annoying and concerning. Especially because they’re getting in the…

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Why Perfectionism Sucks

About a week ago, I read an awesome poem on Instagram. I follow a lot of poets on there, and I collect prompts and post my own stuff and generally try to participate in the poetry community when I can. Anyway, this poem inspired me, and I commented to the poet that I “might write an after poem inspired by it.” (An “after poem” is basically that — a poem inspired by another poem, or a response to it). The poet was obviously excited and happy to read that because she said, “Please, please do!” So I did. The poem was on “All the Places I’ve Lost Myself.” But my version didn’t quite hit the mark; in fact, I believe I veered completely off course. As one does. Oops? I wasn’t happy with it. Well, it wasn’t bad per se. It just wasn’t what I was hoping for as an after poem. If you recall, these Instagram poems are part of my Bad Poetry Project, so they don’t have to be perfect. But all of a sudden, the perfectionism monster reared its ugly head. One revision, I told myself. Just to get it right. I had some better ideas. I was sure I could nail it. And…I almost did? But not quite. Not quite. Now, here’s the problem. I am a total perfectionist. I know this about myself. I’m not allowed to make mistakes, not allowed to be anything less than 100% perfect. Why? I suspect trauma — being bullied,…

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Vegetable Gardening, Low-Stress Edition

You might have noticed that the world continues to be incredibly stressful even as the pandemic settles down (please please please). Personally, I’m done. I mean, I keep half an eye on the news and take action as needed, but I’m trying to be ruthless about cutting out or reframing my approach to things that don’t need me to stress about them. Take vegetable gardening. My spouse and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary of being homeowners, and we’ve been growing vegetables for most of that time (thanks to my having grown up with a dad who grew up on a farm). I’ve coddled them, I’ve researched weed control, I’ve carefully staked and pruned my tomatoes, I’ve mourned when something got hit by a pest or a blight. This year I didn’t have the energy for any of that. I asked my spouse to pick out and order whatever vegetable seedlings (baby plants) he wanted, and I would help plant them. Normally we put in some vegetable seeds as well, carrots or radishes, but that’s more my thing, not his; this year, a seed mix of local flowers got scattered willy-nilly in a bare patch. (Some went into pots, too, but for whatever reason, none of those sprouted. Not stressing.) He chose most of our usual things: tomatoes (lots), green beans, various peppers, basil. Then he added watermelon, parsley, mini sunflower, and something called a cucamelon. (Despite the name that makes it sounds like a new and trendy cross, it’s…

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Running Away From Home

Home, in my opinion, should be a place one wants to be, not a place to get away from. But that’s just my opinion. Reality has no interest in my opinion. Reality, sometimes, actively has it in for me. So yeah. Sometimes, I run away from home. On Mount Lemmon, an hour’s fun drive away, the temperature is generally 30 degrees lower. And there are green things! Mountain air! Fewer people! More deer, bears, coatis, birds! (Especially vultures. Not sure why, but there are a lot of vultures circling on Mount Lemmon.) Anyway. You can see why running away has its attractions. As that’s as much brain as I have for words, I’m already two days late…please enjoy some pictures. These are all phone pics this week. I mean to take my camera up soon. Like…Sunday? That might be good. Since it’s still gonna be ridiculously hot down here… It’s been a rough week. Run away if you need to, friends.

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Re-entry, Part 3

[CW: pandemic, mental health] Here in Toronto, the world hasn’t fully started up again yet. Lots of white-collar workers are still working from home at least some of the time, and downtown is still pretty empty. My contra dance group has just held its first dance since February 2020 (though I didn’t feel comfortable attending…maybe next time). And I’m tiptoeing back, one step at a time…but there are an awful lot of steps to take, somehow. (Case in point: this is my third re-entry post.) My spouse and I just got back from our first trip since summer 2020 — we took the train to Montreal to visit family for a week. It was wonderful to spend time with some of my immediate family members again, as well as hug a dear friend and pet a kitty and visit a bilingual indie SF&F bookstore. The travel and associated “new” experiences were less anxiety-inducing than I’d feared, especially since I had a really hard time with going back to the office pre-Omicron. My anxiety from earlier in the pandemic still flares up sometimes, but it’s back to being more manageable now. As long as I’m able to keep my mask on, I’m okay. (It gets harder as the hours stretch on or when I need to take the mask off in close quarters.) The part I found more exhausting was all the “peopling”, that is, spending time around people (other than my spouse, who doesn’t count). I’m an introvert and have…

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(Phone) Pictures in an Exhibition(ish)

One of the main reasons I looked at the house that I now own was, as the saying goes, location, location, location. It’s very close to one of the largest parks in the city, the park where the zoo is. I love both the zoo and the park, and love being able to visit either or both after a five-to-ten-minute walk. (It’s also really nice to be one long walk through a lovely park and then a pretty, low-traffic neighborhood from a Starbucks. Love coffee. Love.) My last home was also next to a park, and just like then, now that I’m getting out and being more active, the park is a big draw. If you’re thinking I’m about to throw a bunch of phone-camera pics at you, give yourself a prize. NOTE —->>> Do not pet the palo verde tree, or at least be very careful. (you don’t pet trees? Oh, I guess that’s…maybe just a me thing?) I love our zoo. When I can, I maintain a membership to support it. It is a nice little zoo, easily browsed in a couple hours, and they work hard and do well at taking care of the animals and presenting lots of education on conservation. And currently, baby meerkats! What’s not to love? They’ve been trying to expand the zoo for a while now, to renovate and give more of the animals a better habitat. A few years back, they put it on the ballot, and people voted for it!…

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When I’m Not Writing I’m…Thinking About Art

So, due to some health stuff, writing has had to take a back burner and it totally sucks. I expect this to be temporary, and I fully plan on being back at it as soon as my fingers can get typing. But in the meantime, I’ve been doing some serious contemplation about art. Specifically, Tarot and Lenormand decks. For those who don’t know, I started on a dog deck for my sister about twenty-five years ago but never finished it. So that’s on my list of things to do. I’d like to expand the subjects to include other dogs and our cat, Hailey, as the only subject at the time was our dog, Emmy, who is of course now deceased. So that’s a thing. But lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life in general and healing, affirmations, self-care, and other self-empowering type stuff. I just turned forty-six last month, and it dawned on me that I could use a bit of healing, being that I had been bullied and made fun of as a child and was in an abusive marriage. And I thought a healing/self-empowerment type Tarot deck would be so cool. There are so many out there, you can’t even believe. Kickstarter is literally my Kryptonite — I got turned on to it last year and went on a bit of a backing spree on Tarot decks. Of course I stopped before things got out of hand, and I backed them with the idea that…

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